Following the death of Kalabhavan Mani, many in social media asked why I was silent. I first thought that an answer was not needed, but now I feel a note is warranted.
Even as Mani was admitted to the hospital, I was in constant touch with the hospital and by evening, doctors indicated that his situation was deteriorating. In fact, many did not even know that he was hospitalised and only that morning did the news break.
The death of Mani has created a kind of indifference and void in me. I did not feel like talking to anyone. I have seen the deaths of Padmarajan and Aalumoodan at close quarters. The same indifference was felt then too.
Read also: Mammotty's eulogy on Mani: Check out the most touching tribute yet!
The loving human being in Kalabhavan Mani
From side-kick to hero to villain, Mani donned it all
Mani was a particular kind of person who used to share his problems and deepest feelings with others. When he disclosed to me that he could be fighting a losing battle against his disease, I came face-to-face with a different Mani that many might have never seen. We talked about medical solutions to his disease and I saw a weak and weary Mani for the first time.
Mani was very close to me; a friend and supporter who could be counted upon. With some people, we share deep bonds that are not very obvious on the outside. Mani was such a person to me. Mani was one of the most honest persons I have seen and he had a knack of being honest under any circumstance. He used to let me talk to his mother and I used to talk a lot of things with her. More than colleagues, we had another level of interaction between us.
The faint echo of an inimitable laughter remains
We were singing between shots: Prithvi remembers Mani
When some people leave us, we do not come to terms with the loss and will not acknowledge that they are no more. We try to forget the shock by putting ourselves in a make-believe world reiterating to ourselves that they are somewhere around. Those who have lost very close ones can understand the feeling.
Speaking a few words in front of channel cameras to condole his death would be merely perfunctory. What I did was to become busy in order to forget his demise. I do not even know how to console his wife and daughter who had to see a very active person suddenly walking out of their lives. Those working in films would have something good to speak of Mani because he would have touched their lives in some way or the other.
The image of his body lying in the freezer disturbed me so much that it cannot be conveyed. A person, who opened up his private fears and apprehensions before me, has suddenly vanished. Nobody has so honestly opened up the events in his or her life to me in such detail. The depth of some relations cannot be measured or expressed. I did not even care to look at newspapers that covered his death. Those two days were very difficult for me and I worked more to keep myself away from the incident.
I do not know how to express myself more; no death has in the near past made me so indifferent.