The tenuous terrain of relations in the age of social media, messages

The tenuous terrain of relations in the age of social media, messages
Marital bonds have often been found to be marred by acute addiction to social media by spouses.

Mahesh and Viji (names changed), hailing from Aluva, are married for seven years and have a five-year-old son. Their life was pacing ahead smoothly until Viji, one day, noticed some unsavory texts from an unknown source on her husband's phone. Out of curiosity, she followed the messages that trailed and was stunned by Mahesh's visage which was never known to her before. Those romantic words from his paramour set off a turmoil that shattered the couple and their families. The troubled relation was somehow restored after several interventions, squabbles, entreaties, counselling sessions and so on.

Social media has brought the world closer and revolutionised communication. Yet, it's an undeniable fact that the platform serves as a curtain to foster secret connections, lustful liaisons and promiscuity, which in turn lead to troubled marital relations. Psychologist Habiba says that though mobile phone may not be the main villain triggering break-ups, they really play a vital role in almost all relationship crises.

"Talking about social media and its role in undermining marital bonds, it definitely provides an alternative terrain for a man or a woman to reach out to a secret cohort with whom one can share views, thoughts and emotions. And when the lid is blown, it can lead to a catastrophe of astronomical proportions," says Habiba.

When the husband or wife feels left out, they always try to reach for a third option. And the availability of a communication platform of this design makes issues between husband and wife more vulgar, says the psychologist based in Kochi.

“There has been a sea change in the concept of husband-wife loyalty in modern society. The warmth and togetherness the earlier generations enjoyed, is rarely found in today's world and the evolution of social media has made the scenario worse,” she says.

Even while discussing sexual problems of spouses it has been found that social media has opened the doors to reach out to an alternative option to satisfy his or her needs. There are several positives aspects to social media, but the platform is found to be exhaustively used as a medium to instigate, plan and execute promiscuous escapades, Habiba says.

“The trend of family problems is found to be increasing everyday. And at the clinical level, I have come across several unbelievable real life stories which which can beat even the best of film scripts,” she says.

Why do clashes erupt

"In the present world, man enjoys more freedom. Rather, society has allotted him more freedom than women. In a case that came to me recently the wife's complaint was that her husband usually kept a grumpy face before her and she discovered that he was quite happy and cheerful with his woman friends. The wife discovered it from her husband's phone when he returned from an alumni meet. She saw images which showed that her husband was enthusiastically giving gifts to other women and hanging on to their shoulders," Habiba says.

Issues between spouses break out mainly because of the lack of quality time spent together. If a woman finds that her man has fulfilled all her needs and has spent enough time with her, she won't having much complaints even if he spends some time on social media.

Usually, the flow of communication between spouses thins down months after marriage, especially with mobile phone consuming a major chunk of the couple's time. Problems start where the communication stops. “The most urgent need to stave off a possible showdown is to strengthen the communication line between the husband and the wife. If these two aspects can be taken care of I think the troubles in marriage can be kept at bay to a great extent. There are several simple pleasures in life which the couple can pursue and be happy, like travelling, family get together, going for movies, cultural events, fetes and so on,” Habiba says.

When matters do turn worse?

There are occasions when simple cat fights can lead to big feuds. Usually, matters get worse when other family member of the spouses get involved in the squabbles. So the best way is to get the pair's problem heard by an unrelated mediator who can arbitrate their dispute and give a positive verdict. Individual counselling can help to a great extent whereby both the individuals can speak their minds out and stay relieved. A joint session later can bridge the communication gap and resolve issues. However, it is very important to keep in mind that if the families are involved and their prejudiced approach would only worsen the situation.

The casualties

There are several mental and physical disorders that are connected with extreme levels of relationship tussles - the most notable being depression and doubtfulness. While depression can affect the intellectual efficiency and destabilise mental equillibrium, the state of doubtfulness is a dangerous situation where the affected person can slip into a stage of insanity or madness. The affected may be viewing every move and word of his or her partner with utmost suspicion. This is a dangerous situation which will require psychiatric medicines. Even the effort to revive a communication gap will be seen with suspicion. The possibility of a comeback to normalcy after this stage is very difficult. Delusional disorders are a common outcome of the situation. There can also be physical disorders triggered by lifestyle changes. Issues like irritable bowel, digestive issues, ulcers can also emerge.

Children affected

Family skirmishes of course affect parenting very badly. Since the character of children are formed at a young age such issues negatively influence their behavioural pattern and impair their learning abilities.

Does the secrecy and privacy aspect play a role in increasing cases of adultery?

We cannot say that social media alone is responsible for such issues. Moral discipline itself has eroded in the minds of people. If a person is intrinsically disciplined, he or she will maintain the discipline however precarious the situation is. More than the privacy aspect, there are several virtues that the internet provides. What is needed is education and awareness on how to use the smartphone, internet, and social media judiciously and reap the unlimited riches of information and entertainment rather than exploring the lecherous pleasures that ultimately lead nowhere.

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