All human relationships are a blessing, the best being forged at the workplace with mutual trust, respect and understanding cementing bonds of friendship.
Today’s workplaces are level playing fields for gender parity with the “he, she” factor merging into professional considerations. If carried on a healthy plane, there’s nothing better than a man-woman relationship with each complementing the other. The red signals flash when the ties overstep the limits.
Here’s the story of one such sweet relationship which turned more than bitter, from the case diary of an expert clinical psychologist.
The beginning
Sumitra was a teacher in an upper primary school. Well into her late thirties, she had two children, a 17-year-old daughter, and a 12-year-old son. Her husband was away in the Gulf and life was an uneventful, even flow till 23-year-old lower primary teacher Vinod joined the school.
Smart, intelligent and hardworking, he was, however, not the stuff of urban NewGen material. Soon enough, the two became good friends. Sumitra turned to the young man for support and sought his help in keeping her hyperactive son under control and guide him in his studies. She was so taken up with him that she even toyed with the idea of having him for her son-in-law.
As days went by, the friendship grew stronger. They were now more than mere friends or colleagues. Unbeknown to her, Sumitra was transforming into a mother figure to Vinod. He would pour out his woes to her. She would lend a patient ear to all the sad tales the young man had to narrate about his family.
To him, she was his “amma” and that’s how he addressed her. And Sumitra played her mother role to perfection. He would often come home. She would feed him, cradle him in her lap and be the ideal mom.
Trouble begins
The slight hint of a change in the nature of their relationship surfaced when Vinod began resenting Sumitra’s relationship with other colleagues. This troubled him and he realized he was becoming possessive about her. That’s when he decided to see his doctor.
He was told in no uncertain terms that this mother-son relationship was heading for disaster and was asked to bring Sumitra along for the next appointment. And sure he did. He brought her also. The doctor told them very plainly that such relationships would take them nowhere and cautioned them against the dangers of continuing thus.
Such intense ties would only take their relationship to a dangerous level from where there could not be a point of return, they were warned. They listened keenly and left. The couple never went to the doctor again.
It was after a long gap of four years that Vinod went to the doctor-counselor again, broken, depressed and plagued by guilt. He’d even attempted suicide. It was evident that the couple had continued their relationship. As expected, the mother-son relationship also changed into something more physical with Sumitra and Vinod becoming lovers. Sumitra was all over the young man professing her love for him and demonstrating it in no small measure.
Too much to bear
Somewhere around the time, she dropped a bombshell by telling her paramour that her husband would be back from the Gulf for good. Hence, it would be impossible to live on in such a relationship. It would, therefore, be in the best interests of everybody to put an end to their ties. She even went to the extent of telling him that they should not even talk to each other. The young man could not bear the abruptness with which the relationship was ending. When Sumitra began avoiding him, he once barged into her home and attacked her. In the meantime, her husband too got back. Isolated and defeated, he felt cheated and that’s when he decided to call it quits with life.
On pursuing the antecedents of Vinod, it came to light that the source of the young man’s insecurity and his yen for an older woman stemmed from his family’s indifference to him. His father had deserted the family soon after his sister was born and he was never close to his mother.
Points to ponder
Be friendly with all your male colleagues. Never favor a single individual over the others.
Don’t give just one person the freedom to walk into your home anytime.
There are limits to be set to a man-woman relationship. The wisest course would be to maintain safe and healthy ties.
Refrain from being possessive about a colleague, be it a man or a woman. The moment you realize it, stay clear of such sentiments.
Don’t just rely or lean on a single individual. Have as many colleagues as you can in your circle and forge strong bonds of friendship with all of them.
When relationships torment you on a personal level or turn hostile at the workplace, don’t hesitate to seek professional advice or help from reliable and sensible friends.
Coming back to Vinod, he was put through supportive psychotherapy. The treatment brings down the level of mental stress and helps patients to be taken through suitable and stable methods of treatment. Patients are also helped to dispassionately view things for themselves.
Despite all his problems, Vinod continued with his school job. His time and thoughts were diverted to healthier pursuits. Soon, he became actively involved in various unions and organizations. Regular follow-ups helped in transforming Vinod to a totally different person with a healthy outlook on life. He’s happily married, stable and secure today.
(As told by Dr. K.Girish, assistant Professor, clinical psychology, Medical College, Thiruvananthapuram).