When children turn to crime: Doctor explains warning signs parents shouldn’t ignore

Kerala was recently shaken by the chilling news of a 13-year-old girl masterminding the murder of her grandfather in Karuvatta. Close on its heels came another disturbing incident from Telangana, where school students were implicated in the murder of their principal. While the specific circumstances and motivations behind these two incidents differ and require thorough, expert investigation, they serve as a harsh wake-up call for parents, teachers, and society at large.

Dr Elsie Oommen, consultant psychiatrist at the Medical Trust Hospital, Kochi, explains what parents and educators should consider as warning signs. 

How behaviours change
We must understand that delinquent tendencies and anti-social behaviour do not emerge overnight. They often take root during childhood, quietly nurtured by lapses in socialisation, lack of guidance, or unresolved emotional conflicts. A child’s character is shaped by a complex interplay of genetic traits, family environments, peers, schools and the digital landscape.

Who is responsible?
Raising a well-adjusted, empathetic child is not the sole responsibility of parents; it requires a collective effort from educators and the wider community. Instilling values of self-esteem, honesty, empathy, and accountability early on is vital to preventing young minds from straying onto destructive paths. Rather than finger-pointing after a tragedy, we must focus on understanding the triggers that drive children to such extremes and learn how to intervene early.

Changing family dynamics
In today's nuclear family setups, children often struggle with silent loneliness - a vulnerability that parents may overlook. This isolation can lead to excessive screen time, unhealthy associations, or substance abuse. With parents increasingly caught up in demanding careers, children are often left to navigate their emotions alone. Spending quality time with children and listening to their daily experiences is essential, offering them immense psychological comfort amidst academic and peer pressures. To connect effectively, parents must actively step into their child's world, understanding their interests, friendships, and digital lives, rather than letting a generational gap silence open dialogue.

Fractured domestic environments
Parental conflict profoundly impacts young minds. While disagreements are a natural part of relationships, domestic disputes must be managed with maturity and mutual respect. Exposing children to toxic arguments or physical abuse can scar them emotionally.

Even in cases of divorce, the separation itself is not always the root cause of behavioural issues. Rather, it is how parents navigate the split. Prioritising the child's safety and emotional needs, and avoiding toxic blame-games that breed resentment towards the other parent, is crucial.

Making home a safe space
Home must be a sanctuary where children feel safe admitting mistakes, discussing their problems, or reporting abuse without fear of immediate condemnation. Fostering an atmosphere where children know they will be heard and supported is vital. Additionally, children should be taught about personal boundaries, how to identify trustworthy adults, and how to seek help safely if someone makes them feel uncomfortable.

Peer pressure and the desire for validation
Adolescence is a phase where the peer group's influence peaks. The desperate need for social acceptance can sometimes push teenagers to do things they normally wouldn't. Instead of imposing rigid controls over their social circles, parents should try to understand who their children spend time with. Asking soft, reflective questions about how a friendship makes them feel is often far more effective than demanding they cut ties with a friend.

Navigating the digital minefield
Children’s boundaries are no longer confined to home and school. Social media, online gaming, and diverse digital content profoundly influence their thoughts and behaviour. While digital exposure is inevitable, continuous exposure to age-inappropriate content, online harassment, and toxic cyber-interactions can warp an adolescent’s empathy. Instead of merely confiscating devices, parents need to foster an open relationship where they can discuss what their children watch and who they interact with online.

Absolute freedom versus extreme restriction
Parenting is a delicate balance of warmth and boundaries. Extreme authoritarian discipline involving physical punishment, threats, or public humiliation is counterproductive. Instead, set boundaries with clear, consistent explanations. Parents must avoid the dangerous extremes of both blind trust ('My child can do no wrong') and neglectful over-indulgence.

Teaching emotional regulation and coping mechanisms
It is natural for children to experience anger, jealousy, frustration, and failure. The goal is to teach them healthy ways to manage these emotions from a young age. Children must be guided on how to handle disappointment, resolve conflicts constructively, and develop empathy and respect for others' rights.

Never ignore the red flags
A single lie or minor fight does not make a child a criminal, but persistent behavioural anomalies must not be ignored. Key warning signs include deriving pleasure from hurting others, recurrent cruelty to animals, constant boundary violations, theft, pathological lying, sudden aggressive outbursts, and a complete lack of remorse. Identifying these indicators early is about seeking help, not assigning labels.

The vital role of schools and educators
Teachers are often the first to spot sudden changes in a student's behaviour, such as a drop in academic performance, social withdrawal, or unprovoked hostility. However, educators should not diagnose or shame. Instead, schools must collaborate with parents, counsellors, and mental health professionals to provide a supportive intervention network.

Prioritising early intervention over punishment
Waiting for a crisis to occur before taking action is a recipe for disaster. When behavioural issues persist, seeking help from child psychiatrists or psychologists is crucial. Each case must be evaluated individually to understand the underlying emotional trauma, learning difficulties, or domestic stressors. It is also important to remember that a mental health issue does not automatically make someone a criminal, nor should a juvenile offender be universally written off as mentally ill without an expert evaluation.

The way forward: Connect, boundary, monitor
To foster healthy child development, parents must master three pillars: connection, boundaries, and monitoring. When a child slips up, instead of demanding 'Why did you do this?', we should ask, 'What led to this, and how can we prevent it together?' The tragedies in Karuvatta and Telangana must not end as mere sensational news stories. They are urgent warnings to reflect on our parenting, schooling, and societal priorities. Handing a child an expensive smartphone is never a substitute for giving them your undivided time. Teaching them to navigate failure is infinitely more important than demanding top marks. By building strong, compassionate connections, parents and teachers can change the entire trajectory of a young life before it is too late.