Is flirting good for your health? Mental health expert explains

Haven’t you felt your heartbeat race when someone speaks to you romantically? Flirting is a universal human behaviour, observed across cultures and eras. People who have never flirted, even once, are likely scarce. This behaviour carries profound psychological benefits and should not be perceived merely as an exhibition of attraction or love. Modern psychological research has demonstrated numerous mental health benefits for flirting. Understanding these benefits will undoubtedly enhance our social lives as well.

Dopamine projection and happiness
Engaging in playful conversation or receiving attention from someone triggers the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that induces feelings of happiness in the brain. That fun, light-hearted chat, the exchange of smiles through eye contact and gentle physical touch activate the brain’s reward system. Studies show that even subtle cues, such as expansion of eyeballs, inadvertently capture our attention and enhance mutual attraction. Flirting stimulates the production of dopamine, the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitter.

Neuroscience of attraction
Mirror neurons, eyeball dilation, voice modulation and body language play crucial roles in attraction. Mutual flirting creates a feedback loop of positive emotions.

Reduces stress: In an otherwise stressful life, friendly flirting serves as a natural stress reliever. It lowers cortisol levels, the primary stress hormone, and promotes mental calmness. We’ve all experienced the relief that comes from a fun-filled interaction with friends after a hard day. A reduced heart rate, lower blood pressure and decreased tension are among the positive effects. Flirting helps reduce the levels of stress hormones, such as cortisol.

Enhances self-confidence and self-respect: Positive responses from others boost our sense of self-respect and confidence, creating a positive feedback loop.
Improves image: When others respond positively to us, it enhances our social image, which can influence various aspects of life.
Social relations: Flirting strengthens social bonds, encourages interaction and increases interpersonal connections. Non-verbal cues and body language play a vital role in nurturing these relationships.

Flirting styles and their psychological roots
According to Jeffrey Hall’s study, flirting can be categorised into five major styles
    • Physical: Involves physical contact and body language. These individuals often possess high self-confidence and are open-minded.
 • Playful: Enjoys fun and playfulness, treating flirting as an engaging game. These people typically have strong social skills and a flair for entertainment.
    • Polite: Exhibits politeness and calmness. Usually careful and introverted.
 • Sincere: Seeks genuine emotional connection and is interested in deep relationships.
    • Traditional: Adheres to conventional gender roles, believing men should take the lead.

Flirting is a skill that can be learned and refined. Effective flirting requires emotional intelligence, timing, and the ability to interpret nonverbal cues accurately. It enhances bonding and strengthens social connections by increasing compassion and fostering mutual understanding, facilitated by the activation of mirror neurons.

Romantic vs. friendly flirting
Flirting need not always lead to romance. Friendly flirting, without romantic intent, also offers psychological benefits. Malayalam films like Thattathin Marayath, Premam, Thoovanathumbikal, Bangalore Days, Varane Aavashyamundu, and Om Shanthi Oshana followed narratives centred around flirting.

Workplace flirting
Light flirting between colleagues, when conducted with mutual respect, can reduce tension and enhance emotional resilience.
Online platforms
Flirting in the digital era requires different skill sets and sensitivities. Cultural and gender norms continue to shape perceptions of flirting in Indian society. Societal responses to flirting by men and women vary.
Context and consent
Context and consent are of utmost importance. Flirting is healthy only when it occurs at the right time, in the right place, and with mutual consent.

Warning: complexities of relationships
Friendship and love can be easily misinterpreted. A relationship considered friendly by one person may be perceived as romantic by another. Flirting without explicit consent may cause discomfort. The character and behaviour of Kunjooju, played by Prithviraj in the movie Swapnakkoodu, directed by Kamal, is an example.
Power imbalance
Flirting in relationships, such as those between a teacher and student or a superior and subordinate, can lead to serious ethical and legal concerns. Genuine consent can be challenging to establish in contexts where power dynamics are present.

Dangers in the digital era
The likelihood of misinterpreting subtle cues is high on online platforms. Since chats and messages are stored, there is a risk that they may be misused later.
Mental dependence
Excessive reliance on external validation, jealousy, and misunderstandings stemming from mixed signals can harm long-term relationships.

Safe Training: `Read–React–Respect policy
   • Read: Carefully observe the other person’s body language and words.
    • React: Respond briefly and politely.
    • Respect: When a response is ‘no’, instantly respect it.

Precautions
    • Limit compliments to virtues rather than physical appearance.
   • Avoid flirting while intoxicated.
   • Strictly adhere to organisational norms and policies.
 • Always ask yourself whether your message is safe and respectful to the other person.

Cultural differences shape flirting in distinct ways. In Indian culture, eye contact and smiling are familiar social cues, whereas more open physical contact is more common in Western cultures. Flirting is indeed a beautiful art of human connection. When practised at the right time and with explicit consent, it enhances happiness, self-confidence and the depth of social relationships. Always remember the importance of respect and consent. Problematic behaviour that crosses boundaries can complicate relationships and may lead to legal and social consequences.
(Author is a professional social worker and child, adolescent and relationship counsellor)