Planning to visit a cancer patient? Here’s what you should and shouldn’t say

It was a hectic day in the OP when Suhara walked in. She was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago. But she stopped taking her medicines, causing the disease to reappear. Now, this is her first scan after beginning treatment three months ago. I could see stress and anxiety on her face as she waited for the scan results. After reading the report, I told her that the results were satisfactory and that there was nothing to worry about. Suddenly, her husband Seithu said, “Did you hear that, Suhara? You are fine. Now, you should be calm. Why do you always get anxious? You get good food, medicines and proper care. What else do you want?” I looked at Suhara’s face, which wore a smile and a hint of helplessness. 

All Suhara wanted was a pair of ears that could listen to her. But no one had the heart to recognise what she really wanted. All of us get extremely emotional when we stare at a crisis in our lives. There is no point in seeking reason in emotion. Personality plays a crucial role in determining how one reacts when the other person is in crisis. Some people do not know how to listen patiently or hold them closer. Most people do not like visiting ailing patients because they do not know how to behave in such situations or what to say. Proclaiming how sad or sorry you are for their condition is merely an expression of sympathy. 

It is better not to visit a patient just for the sake of it, as respecting their privacy is also essential. We should talk less and try to listen to them more. If they do not feel like talking, then it is better to leave, allowing them their privacy or rest. Try not to talk about your experiences or how you managed when you were ill. Neither should you compare the treatment methods. Keep your opinions about the treatment to yourself; half-knowledge can be dangerous. But you could assure them of all the help and support they need. If you are not able to help them, then do not make any false promises. Moreover, it is crucial to have a big heart that is ready to help. It is our responsibility to show the younger generations that kindness, empathy, and humility are core values that should be nurtured throughout life.
(The author is a Senior Consultant - Medical Oncology and Hemato Oncology at the Rajagiri Hospital, Kochi)