Seven parental habits that hinder a child’s development

For all the mistakes children make, it is often the parents who end up bearing the blame for ‘issues in parenting’ from the elders. Giving children excessive freedom and excessive love can harm them in the long run. Too much care can even become a barrier to the development of their leadership skills. Let’s take a look at the facts documented by Dr Tim Elmore, who has authored over 25 books on how to develop today’s children into tomorrow’s leaders. 

1. Not letting children face eventualities
We live in a world where accidents can happen anywhere. Out of concern for children’s safety, parents often take over tasks that children should be doing themselves. Ensuring safety is indeed a parent’s responsibility, but not allowing children to take even healthy risks can produce adverse results. Psychologists say that raising children without allowing them to go out and play will make them unable to stand on their own feet in the future and make them view strangers with fear.

Falls are natural when children start playing. Let them fall, get up, and learn. Playing with children of the opposite gender and receiving words of encouragement and congratulations from peers helps build healthy friendships.

2. Giving instant care
Many parents have their first child within 30 years of age, well before they have fully outgrown their parents' care. As a result, they tend to fulfil their children’s wishes instantly and rush to assist them at the slightest need. This `new-gen parenting' style ends up making children incapable of independent living. By constantly doing things the children could do themselves, buying everything they ask for, failing to help them learn to control unnecessary desires, and not allowing them to cry even after a minor fall, parents make their children unprepared to face life's adversities.

3. Praising too much
Children naturally love recognition and words of praise. However, parents often try to portray their children as special, even when they win a group event and receive a trophy alongside all the other members. While teachers assess every participant equally and award the same trophy, some parents boast in front of others, saying, `My kid has won a trophy.'

When small wins are overpraised, children may grow overconfident by the time they are expected to achieve significant victories on their own. Parents should also refrain from commenting on the shortcomings of other children who compete with their child in front of their own children.

4. Avoiding the blame game
Do not assume that children will keep showering love on you every minute. They may carry frustrations about opportunities they feel their parents overlooked. When there is more than one child in the family, train the elder ones to do things independently and encourage them to take pride in managing tasks on their own. Appreciate each child’s skills without blaming others for their shortcomings. Presenting small gifts as encouragement can motivate older children to achieve more and inspire younger ones as well. But take care not to offer big or extravagant gifts.

5. Don’t glorify your past wrongdoings
Teenagers are always eager to break free and try things on their own. When parents share stories about the mistakes they committed during their youth, such as drinking or smoking, children may develop the idea that they too can experiment with such behaviour. They may think that `if our parents did these things, what’s wrong if we try them? they won’t question us.'

Therefore, avoid trapping yourself by glorifying your past misbehaviour, even if you are sharing or even boasting about positive habits from earlier days.

6. The wrong notion that intelligence equals maturity
Parents often assess their children’s maturity based on intelligence and smartness. As a result, many may assume that their children are ready to face anything in the world. However, intelligence or memory alone does not make an athlete or a film star. Children who score high marks by memorising their lessons do not necessarily possess emotional or social maturity.

What parents should really observe is whether their children can handle situations appropriately, as other children of the same age do. 

7. Less lecturing, more modelling
Children grow up by modelling their parents. Simply giving instructions, telling them not to do this or that or imposing unnecessary discipline order will not bring lasting results. Children will eventually imitate the negative behaviours they see at home. They may even start repeating the harsh words you use.
Dr Tim advises that parents, who are expected to be guiding lights for their children, must take care not to mislead them instead.