Mother's love for daughter-in-law is the biggest investment for the son


Sometimes it is the mother-in-law's remarks about dowry that creates ruckus in the family. It can be a direct or an indirect statement. In such situations, what I suggest to the newly-wed women is that either they should ignore it or speak to the person amiably. Or else, one can even leave the place. Never go for an argument. If there is a conflict of interest between the husband and the wife, either of the couple should be ready for some compromises. Or be ready to avoid moves that would ignite a spar. Always think and try to find a solution.

Grab opportunities for reconciliation

If we learn to say 'sorry', 'thanks' or 'please', we will be able to ward off several disputes. Some people let go of the animosity and open up their minds. But some people nurse grudge deep in their hearts. This would affect their actions, thoughts or communication. It's better to invite the person (s) involved in the tussle to hold an open discussion once the instant turbulence has subsided. Try to clear the air by frankly discussing things rather than vilifying others on their backs. While discussing, we shouldn't go far too back to the old issues, but focus on the current problem. Get everyone on board. We can make a great difference if we sit and discuss disputed matters.

Avoid repeating old complaints

In some households we find that old issues are dug up repeatedly and spin out more disputes out of them. We should know the character of the person who gets engaged in such acts. They would be burning deep inside due to some unfulfilled desires or needs they had nurtured long back. Such people keep harping on the same complaints over and again. In such instances all efforts to resolve the problems positively would turn futile. In that case, the person who creates such problems should take the initiative to solve them. It is the person, who resorts to such nagging, will be suffering the most. They would complain of pain in the leg, blood pressure or back pain quite often. They will never be emotionally stable. Others should try to help the person discuss, know their condition and solve them. When their old wounds are healed they will definitely be at peace.

Avoid seeking third party arbitration unnecessarily

It's always better to sit and discuss contentious issues in the family and solve disputes amiably. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

Sometimes a newly-wed woman might not be liking the way she is treated by her in-laws or may be there are some changes in the behaviour of the wife or the husband. Men might share the situation with his friends. Sometimes when the newly-wed woman conveys her problems to her parents, her kin at once sets off on a mission to save her and lands at her in-laws' place. That's not good. We should understand that there could be some psychological reason behind this rift. Sharing family problems with anyone outside the family won't really solve them. A third person will never be able to find a final solution to the problems between a husband and a wife. May be in some cases it becomes necessary to share the problems with parents or any other close relative. But that should happen only when all other measures to solve them have been exhausted.

Saving the silent self-critic

There are some people who never react to adverse situations. They suppress their feelings and blame it on their fate. Such persons can be termed as passive, who keep criticising and cursing themselves and think that all the other people are right. So they remain mute to the troubles around them. They never think that they do have a right and space to question and that he or she is an important person in the house or in the society. This could be the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law or the son. Harbouring such a feeling inside can eventually lead to conditions like depression, excessive anxiety and so on. It can cause physical ailments as well. One day these persons will burst out. So it's better to open up early about any worries or ill feelings in the family.

Aggressive personalities and how to handle them

There are some people who are aggressive and hide vengeance and anger. They may be silently waiting for a perfect moment to avenge the wound he or she had suffered long before. That is a disastrous situation, which is not right. Even though they try to wear a smile, their heart might be filled with hatred boiling like a volcano. They get violent and abusive for petty reasons. They behave aggressively with mother-in-law, daughter-in-law or husband. It should be kept in mind that such aggressive individuals might have had unfulfilled needs or interests in their childhood or teens. They wait for the right moment to strike. They might even resort to physical assaults. Such people should be handled carefully. They can be asked to do meditation to clam their mind. Even a doctor's advice can be sought. Along with that ensure proper sleep, exercise, food habits, sports activities, good relations, good books, good movies or a smooth connect with the society to curb such vicious elements. This could contribute towards creating happiness in the family and be a model to the next generation.

It's the mother's love for daughter-in-law that is the biggest investment for the son. Only if that goes right the next generation of individuals can be ensured of a sound mental health.

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