Is marrying the self a possibility: Kshama on her sologamy wedding, India's first

Kshama Bindu
Kshama Bindu

Kshama will be a single tree; now and forever. Once, she told herself: a few people are coming to see you. You will like them. And we should fix it. She dressed up beautifully. She wore flowers on her long tresses, stood in front of the mirror, and made a face. And looked again and again. She loved herself. And that marriage was fixed. She married herself. Kshama’s story might come across as a work of fiction.

Meet Kshama Bindu, the hero, and heroine of a story that has been making the rounds for the last few days. This 24-year-old entered into sologamy, or she got married to herself. It’s quite natural that Kshama is in the news in a country where such a marriage is happening for the first time. While trying to get more information about this unusual marriage, we were told that Kshama is in the middle of arranging her own marriage. She was busy with last-minute preparations. Khama spoke to us about her dreams and ambitions from Vadodara. If one were to borrow her own words—currently Khama is of marriageable age. We asked about her parents. They are both engineers. Her father is working in South Africa. She would rather describe her mother as someone who balances work and home.

Born in Ahmedabad, her childhood was spent at Damani. Soon she shifted to Vadodara for her studies. She did her graduation in sociology from MS College. From the age of 17, Kshama along with her studies was also working part-time. Currently, she is a Senior Recruiter at an IT company. She also has a lot of followers on Tik Tok and Instagram and also does modelling.

Do you even call that a marriage?

Yes, she could have lived without marrying. But what If she had this desire to be a bride? Kshama always wanted to be that beautifully decked-up bride, standing at the mandap, going through all the rituals to get married. But she never wanted to be someone’s wife. Kshama got this idea from a Canadian web series. A character in that series says—“I want to be a bride but not a wife.” That’s when she started researching on sologamy. Also, she had some misgivings about changing herself if she marries someone else. After marriage, she would be required to change for that person in a good and bad way. And Kshama never wanted that. So there was only one way in front of Kshama, to marry someone and still manage to live the life she wants. Then she decided to marry the most favourite person in the world—herself. That’s how she came to the concept of Sologamy.

Hasn’t Kshama ever fallen in love before?

Right from a very young age, she knew that she was a bisexual. She did have various such relationships with both genders. Though she has grown out of love with them, she is still friends with all her ex-lovers. She has been living alone for the last few years. It didn’t take Kshama much time to realize that she loves to spend time with herself the most. She started falling in love with her own solitude. And that love resulted in a marriage of this sort.

Preparations for the wedding

Kshama is aware of the difference between a wedding function and life after the wedding. She wants the function but not the matrimonial life. She points out the tattoo near her neck which says ‘I choose me’ to underline her concept of marriage. She wanted this unusual marriage to be witnessed by her loved ones. She had decided on a typical wedding ceremony that included chants, haldi, mehendi and the saat pheras. When questioned about her parents, though she said they had no objections, we were told that it was her friends who helped in conducting the wedding.

Even the Poojari fled

Her marriage announcement made national headlines. Many declared that such a marriage was unsuitable for Indian culture. The temple priest and organisers backed out of the ceremony. There were many malicious rumours being spread on social media. There are people who marry inanimate objects to ward off bad luck in their horoscopes. The priest initially agreed thinking it was that kind of a ritual. He said he was willing if she was planning to marry a tree or a doll but not herself.

But Kshama says such a marriage is her decision and she intends to stick to it. She said marriage is a personal decision and it is of prime importance to her.

The wedding

Even if the priest was unavailable, Kshama had already thought of a way to get married. She kept a recorded tape of the wedding chants and shlokas. Initially, the date was June 11th, and the invitations were sent for that date. But when more and more people started opposing this marriage, she wasn’t very confident about pulling it off. Therefore Kshama got married in the presence of her friends last Wednesday. Her flat in Gothri sector was the wedding venue. Kshama wore a beautiful lehenga, did all the rituals before the sacred pyre and applied sindoor on her forehead, and married herself. When she took the saat pheras she promised to fulfill all the seven promises a husband is supposed to fulfill for his wife to herself.

Wedding certificate

Lawmakers explained that nowhere in the world is there a law in existence for such a marriage. When asked about the wedding certificate, Kshama is confident about getting one. Nowhere it has been said that sologamy is illegal. It was her decision to marry herself. She will give an application for wedding registration and certificate. If it doesn’t happen, she might approach the court of law.

What if she had a change of mind?

She has received a lot of backlash for this decision. Many called her an attention seeker and said she might denounce it all together within a few weeks or days. Kshama spoke about the troubles she faced after she made this announcement. When she was asked to vacate her rented house by neighbours, Kshama somehow managed to make them understand. Kshama admits that now she is getting recognized on the streets. She can’t even go out with friends without being mobbed.

Honeymooning alone

She has her own justifications for this unusual marriage. A woman has to go through a lot of misery in a marriage. They are so many married women who are victims of domestic abuse and yet refuse to walk out. This sologamy is her way of escaping from such situations in life and learning to be happy. After this news came out, a lot of married and divorced women called and had nice things to tell her. Kshama will be leaving for Goa soon for her solo honeymoon. Here’s wishing her all the best!

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