I am often asked if I do not want to contest election to the Lok Sabha again. I do not. The Left Democratic Front might give me another chance if I am interested. In fact, some of the CPI(M) leaders had asked me to contest.
First of all, my body has to allow me to contest an election. I am tired. There are several members of Parliament who have to be carried off to their seats. Why can’t they just sit home and relax, I have often wondered. For many of them, it is a pleasant feeling to sleep in Parliament. Most of them are heard speaking in public that they wanted to give way to the younger generation. What is the point of such talk when they are actually blocking the way for youngsters.
My father was a communist and he taught me that desires should be limited. It is sick to want to live like this until the last breath. I have a feeling that I may be beginning to get that sickness. So I have decided to cure me of it. I have no fear of failure. I have failed for most part of my life.
I am a bit worried when I see people looking up to me. I am worried because I do not know if I may be able to live up to their expectations. Imagine someone teasing my grandson, “even your grandfather could not build a bridge here.” He would not think of me in a good light.
When Pinarayi Vijayan contested an election from Dharmadam, I went there to campaign for him. As I boarded a train to return home, someone gave me a food packet. He said that Pinarayi had arranged for it. That was how he cared. He did not want an ill person to buy food from outside.
This is communism as my father taught me. When I sneaked into the house after a late-night movie show, he would ask me if my friend who dropped me home could expect to eat anything from his houses at this hour.
You tend to lose this ability to care when you are in love with power. That is the sickness I was referring to. So I have decided to call it quits before I become sick myself.