Representative imageWhat do you think of a woman if she is seen active on Facebook late into night? Are you one of those men who judge their wife or partner by viewing the “last seen” time stamp on WhatsApp?
We at the Women’s Commission come across hundreds of such complaints every day. It takes only a missed call at an ungodly hour to brand a woman and spoil her life. The changes in Malayali psyche is a cause of concern indeed.
The Women’s Commission receives about 10,000 complaints a year. Domestic problems top the list with a 60 percent share. A fourth of the complaints stem from perceived extramarital relations. A common theme of all these complaints is the mobile phone.
The complaints we receive underline the fact that the perception towards women has not changed over the years. Women can go to the police to deal with atrocities targeted at them.
However, not all cases can be sorted out by the involvement of the police and possible jail term after that. Organizations such as the Women’s Commission, which wish to keep families intact, try to delve into the problems. What we face is a glaring gap between attitudes.
Many of the men who claim to grant sufficient freedom to women limit that to the freedom to work. In other words, she is supposed to earn and forego all other rights. These men’s acts are insulting to the woman’s personality. Even highly educated women are forever being tricked.
A woman came to the commission recently with a complaint that there was another woman in her husband’s life. The man later admitted that he was into the affair for seven years and he had a child from the union. He even said he chose to live with the other woman.
We were a bit taken aback by the complainant’s inability to sense the extramarital affair earlier. “I trusted him, madam,” was all she could say while she fought back her tears.
Social media sometimes has an adverse effect on women’s lives. Many married women are getting involved with other men. We have seen women who abandon their husbands and children for their “mobile phone” lovers. Many a women have shattered their family while they fantasized about a mobile phone lover they had never seen.
Anti-social elements who abuse women by morphing photographs and taking screenshots of chats are on the rise. Domestic abuse against women is not abating. Complaints of torture from the husband’s mother and sister still top the list. These cases are often complicated by non-compromising attitudes.
Many of the estranged couples refuse even to sit together when we call them to sort things out. Many marriages have been on the rock only because they refuse to back down from a complaint filed at the heat of the moment.
Young couples are in favor of divorcing their partners rather than tolerating them for a lifetime. The commission cannot judge whether this attitude is right or wrong.
Many of the extramarital affairs and divorces are caused by the situations prevalent at our homes. A generation ago, we had elders at home who could take an initiative to settle differences. That is not the case any more. All you get is involvement from vested interests who add fuel to the fire.
At the center of most of the disputes is the partner’s inability to express love and care. Many people have told us that they had gone into an affair because they thought they were being cared for.
We have to start loving and caring at home. Let us care for our partners. Let us make the partner our dear friend.
(The writer is the chairperson of the Kerala Women’s Commission)
